11 Things I Have Learnt While Being A Private Escort (AMA Questions Answered)
The private escorting world might seem glamorous to an outsider looking in, and on occasion, it can be. However, the belief that this industry and the work involved is "easy money", is false.
It is not easy for any small business to keep ahead of the curve, so why on earth people think and say that about this industry baffles me. Saying and portraying that it is easy, devalues the massive amount of work behind the scenes that we do daily.
It's not always easy, it's not always sleazy, but it is always what you make of it.
Eleven things I have learnt while being a private escort.
1. Sexual Services Have Trends.
When I first entered the industry the trend of services to ask for were natural oral and cum in mouth (CIM); recently it has been the porn star experience (PSE) with Anal.
After winning an award a few years ago for best anal, almost all of my bookings requested anal as an added service for years onwards. The majority of these gents had never tried it before.
I always say you either love it or don't like it at all and from what I have been told by my lovers the sensation is very different to vaginal sex.
From what I can gather the majority of men don't actually like it or only have tried it to see what it’s like, only to realise it is not that big a deal. I guess it’s more the idea of it that they love rather than the actual act itself.
I love anal. Its make me orgasm harder, and I feel so darn naughty when I do it; however, I think the anal trend is not as popular anymore and may have been replaced by "rimming on him" for the time being.
The "fly me to you escort" advertising trend I feel has just begun to ramp up again as well. I wonder what the next hot new sexual service will be?
Leave me a comment at the end to tell me what you predict.
2. Don't Be A Stereotype.
Recently, while doing my daily Instagram story stalk, I came an across a video of another worker who was claiming to earn thousands of dollars just by sitting in a bathtub in her booking. What a load crap.
There is this false stereotype that workers who are at the higher end of the rate spectrum, are glamour poster girls who hang out with rich people in business all over the world and get paid top dollar to do so.
This stereotype is not the case at all and ridiculous, harmful messages like the one above create more problems for all workers in our industry.
They also misrepresent the work we do behind the scenes to get invited to and be sitting in that bathtub in the first place.
Sex work is work and hard work at that.
Playing into stereotypes might seem like a great idea to be categorised a certain way by clients you wish to attract, but your brand and business should offer more value than a 2-dimensional character.
Be unique, be you and be the best you can be, but; also be mindful of the messages you share with the world as there is a greater cause you play a role in, whether you know it or not.
3. Business Means Business, No Matter Your Industry.
You could be an escort, a baker or a candlestick maker, the same standard rules of a small business applies and your ability to be professional with these will get you a further in the long run.
Running a private escort business is far more multifaceted than just turning up to bookings looking sexy, batting your eyelids and sucking some dick. If that's the only part you wish to be involved in, then I suggest you work for an agency or touring agent.
There are long days and nights ahead required to get your brand noticed, stay in the spotlight and keep your head above the water and it can be rather stressful.
4. Learning New Skills Is a Must!
My work days consist of using way more skills than my ability to spread my legs.
For my business, I am my content marker, brand ambassador, social media expert, advertising agent, copywriter, web designer, web developer, SEO specialist, bookkeeper, customer service officer, sales team and business manager.
For my clients, I have had to learn to become an active listener, life coach, sex therapist the relationship guru, confidential confident with some skills of a psychologist.
This job will keep you on your toes, and there are always new things popping up on the horizon to learn.
5. Bookkeeping Matters.
My first few years working as an escort when I was at university, I didn't pay attention to anything I spent my money on. I can't tell you how much I earnt or spent during this, I never wanted for anything so let's say it was good money that paid my rent and I got nice things.
When I came back into working and decided to work privately all of a sudden I had to pay for things like advertising, hotels flights, an assistant, accountant and lawyer.
No matter what you charge knowing where you spend and make your money is vital in helping you make informed business decisions. You want to eliminate making business choices driven by emotion.
One of the most common things I see as an escort mentor is that 90% of the those who have employed me, do not understand how much money they make, spend or waste.
Usually, the response I get when asking about it is that the tax is too hard or they have an accountant - wrong answer.
Bookkeeping is about you understanding your business, if you don't know where your business is financially now, then how do you expect to grow it?
Understanding your income and expenditure will help you answer other questions for your business, like where and when not to tour, how much you could be saving and if your rates are too high or too low for the amount of work you can commit to taking.
6. Time is Money.
Building a long term brand takes time, a lot of time and time is money. Your time is your commodity, learn not to waste it where you can.
Wasting time on the wrong people or focus for your business can be costly.
Don't drop your work and devote your time to someone who asks you to do that, the right person would never as you to do that. I see so many of my friends and peers lose so much time and money doing just this, only to realise it wasn't worth it in the end.
Learn to allocate your time effectively and put it to good use. Make time for the things that will help you grow your business and identify the things that will take too much time for you to do on your own. For example, build your own site or pay someone to do it - how much is the time and cost of both.
7. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words.
Photoshoots can cost a fortune, and I am a big believer that your images should be your primary concern when considering branding as they are your first touch points with potential clients. It’s imperative they represent you and your brand effectively.
It's beyond me as to why so many workers are still all booking the same hotel rooms for their shoots and wearing the same Honey Birdette lingerie that is also in 50+ other images.
News flash, you all look the same which is the exact opposite you want for your brand.
Honey Birdette is rather well known for stigmatising our industry. Please stop giving them your hard earned money, they don't deserve it, and their products are crap quality for what the price is.
Get creative and show off your diversity.
** My business Sin By Design has places open for a video shoot day and another photoshoot day that will be announced soon.
Get a great high-quality video with the location, videographer, stylist and hair and makeup is included for less.
8. It Doesn't Matter What You Charge.
No matter what you charge per hour, your rates need to reflect what you are comfortable with doing. Not what clients tell you they think you should charge and not what other workers will tell you to charge.
The belief that escort who charge more than other is of somewhat higher class as a person is incorrect. The work we all do can still be the same depending of course on the services you offer.
I think it's ludicrous that workers in this industry and the clients who frequent escort services are of the belief that a service like natural oral, should define your starting hourly rate.
Workers who don't offer this service should be able to charge more per hour than they do as their base rate and it shouldn't be such a big deal . Particularly amongst a certain male chitter - chatter site that offers nothing valuable or helpful for the industry anyway.
9. Don't Make It Easy For People To Steal.
Whether it be your time, energy, money, ideas, lingerie or makeup don't make whatever it may be available for someone to take from you because they will. Humans are opportunistic and not all of them may have as good intentions as you wish to believe.
10. Sex Work Is More Than Sex.
Yes, I have sex with the majority of my clients, but not one of them makes an appointment with me solely for sex. The connections and relationships between us have way more layers than that.
Recently I saw a youtube video from another escort mentor who claimed that our work and our value is based solely on making men cum. It's not the case at all, at least for me and I hope it is not the case for my peers.
Clients book for a variety of reasons and although sex can be the main reason for some, hardly any of them rebook just for sex again.
11.Self-Care Is Important
I don't mean the self-grooming kind with hair extensions, fake nails or shopping; I mean your body mind and spirit.
You must put you and your needs first.
This job can be incredibly taxing if you are not taking time to check in with yourself and making sure you are ok. Everyone has limitations; everyone can burn out or bury their head in the sand.
Communicate with you, listen to your body, don't work if your sick, emotional or mentally not coping with stress. Learn to ask for help if you need it.
Not paying attention to the queues will give you burn out, and no one makes good money or choices when in burn out.
Tell me what your thoughts are by leaving me your comments below
Do you have a question for me?